Heathen Whore Going to Hell

Now that I have your attention, let me tell you a little story.

The day of the Ohio State beat down I went to get a pedicure. My toes were in dire need of a new polish and I was feeling the dark polish. You know. The goth, vampy polish. I decided on a really dark purple from OPI. Sorry. I don't know the name but I thought it fit the bill.

What I do know is while I was soaking and waiting I was texting and taking phone calls. Personal ones so we were talking about some of the needs for the night. You know, like who was going to be there, could you pick me up some limes on the way, what had happened the previous weekend, etc.

I was laughing. I was having a good time. I was in my own little world.

This little old woman getting her nails done proceeds to stare me down. She was giving good stink eye if you know what I mean. I smiled at her and asked how her day was going. Big mistake.

She proceeds to give me the third degree about being there on a Monday early afternoon and wasting my life away since I obviously didn't work. I wasn't a responsible adult giving back to society, blah, blah, blah.

I was like um, excuse me. Have you heard of vacation? I didn't say anything because I was floored.

Then I about fell the eff out. She proceeded to tell me I was a heathen whore that was going to hell.

Yes peeps. She called me out. She called me a heathen whore and said I was going to hell all because of the way I was dressed, because of the conversations I was having, and oh my lord because I selected a dark polish for my toes.

I'd love to tell you I came back with a snappy comment and that I was dressed like I deserved such a comment but y'all, I was wearing a camo tank top under a green hoodie with a pair of jeans. Does this say whore to you?




All I could do was say something to the effect that I appreciated her opinion and that we are all entitled to one.

I was taught to respect my elders so I didn't want to go off and say something like "Really. Will I see you there?" or to tell her to mind her own bisnatch or something to that effect.

And to be honest peeps, I was so shocked all I could do was sit there with my mouth hanging open for a few seconds.

The owner of the shop was extremely apologetic. When all was said and done, I ended up with a free pedi and the woman's words ringing in my ears.

Now you can tell all your friends you know a heathen whore that is going to hell. I hope y'all are joining me because it's going to be one hell of a good time!

You know it booooy!

Oh, and I must, I must increase my gym time. Like the double chin, fat face, and holiday poundage that came back with a vengeance? Yea, me either. But hey that's how heathen whores roll.