Sunday, April 30, 2006

Friday, April 28, 2006

I'm Back

It is so good to be home.

More to come later.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Happy Hump Day

Do you see those little kitty titties? :)

I'm off for another three day another time zone...with some gorgeous weather forecasted...Highs in the mid to upper 70's, lows in the mid to upper 40's...Oh, and how could I forget? This state has a Sonic. Yea boy! Route 44 Cherry Lime-Aid is calling my name. Fajitas and queso from On the Border. Maybe this trip over the mountain and across the way won't be so bad after all. Look out B-town, here I come.

With Me or Against Me?

I was plagued by the need to discuss certain things with a certain someone. I fretted over the things I wanted and felt I needed to say for hours. I ran my ass off at the gym, I punched the hell out of the punching bag, I even broke down and got in a tanning bed to have some quiet time to listen to the inner voice. Should I? Shouldn’t I? These things I needed and wanted to say could possibly change interactions, conversations, etc. as we currently know them.

I settled in and waited with anxiety for the return call. I was ready to talk. I had made up my mind. I was going to go there. I was going to make it real. I was going to test and quite possibly push the limits past the point of no return.

I even placed a second call when the first one went unreturned. This isn’t normal for me. I fretted more. I waited. Butterflies appeared in my tummy. The call came. From go I knew it wasn’t the right day to have this conversation.

I now wonder will the time ever be right? Was the universe working with me or against me tonight? I heard the inner voice loud and clear…don’t go there. Not tonight. Let it go. Enjoy what is in front of you now. Be patient.

I just want to know…will I be lucky 13?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Little Bit of This and a Lot of That

Man, it feels like forever since I’ve been here. It was a crazy but a good week. Sometimes I wonder if my life is boring or if my life is really is as crazy as it feels to me. This will be a long post as I have lots to catch up on so bear with me or if you choose, stop reading and go do something productive with your time. LOL

So, let’s start with the road trip down South. The boys and I loaded up for a trip to the Rose City (Portland). It was one of those absolutely beautiful, gorgeous, picture perfect Pacific Northwest days. The mountains were out, the sky was blue, the wind was blowing, the water was sparkling, and the temperature was just right. What more can you ask for? Great company. A safe journey. Laughter. Tears of joy from laughing so hard. Life is good.

On the way down I asked the question about men wondering if they look fat or styling, do they fret over their hair, etc. Survey was a resounding NO. They all said they know when they gain weight but don’t stress about it. They just cut back on the beer and watch what they eat. If only it was that easy for a woman.

So, we arrive in P-Town but got turned around in downtown. I’m starting to wonder if I attract homeless people. Is there a lesson I am meant to learn? We were approached by two separate individuals as we figured out how to get back on track. This one woman asked if we had a dollar to spare. Answer no. She asked for fifty cents. The answer was still no. She was like no one in the car has even fifty cents. So our fearless driver says, “Lady, no. There’s a bunch of broke ass people in this car! We just put $55.00 in gas in this bad boy. We don't have any money.” She asks, “Then how about one of those beers in the back? Can you spare one of those?”

Ok, we felt a little guilty about not giving her even fifty cents but we did hook her up with a couple of warm beers. Sidebar – No drinking and driving. The beer and wine was for later, once we got to the hotel.

We finally arrived at the hotel where the meeting was being held only to be met with a 20 minute check in. Seems about 25 of us arrived at the same time. Oh what fun. The great part was my girl was checking in at the same time and we managed to get adjoining rooms. Mad shout out to Jo at the front desk. Thanks for hooking the girls up.

We proceeded to make a mad dash to the room. I mean come on; we had some drinking to do before the cocktail hour, dinner, and awards banquet. Is it bad when you and a friend down a bottle of wine in about 30 minutes? Another mad shout out to my boy Wink for putting my stuff on ice while I took care of some business. I work with some of the most wonderful and sincere humans in the universe. Seriously I do. And not just because they make sure my booze is cold. That's a bonus to what they all have to offer.

After a bottle of wine, a mini catch up session on the balcony overlooking the park, with hoots and hollers for those coming and going, it was time to shower and freshen up for the night’s activities. I go to get dressed and realize I have no pants. Yes, I have no pants to match my suit jacket. A moment of panic set in. We called to the concierge to see if my pants dropped off of the cart. I called my boys to see if they had my pants. No pants. Good thing I had packed black pants to wear the next day. Thankfully the blacks weren’t too off and remember I work with more men than women so they weren’t going to know any different. Crisis averted. I rocked the mismatched pants and jacket. (NOTE: my pants never even made it out of my car into the carpool car)

Cocktail hour, dinner, awards a success. When we all get together for these meetings it’s a throw back to college, to a spring break atmosphere almost. Hotel room = dorm room…Seeing co-workers and friends you haven’t seen in awhile with no need to go anywhere = party. I truly feel for the hotel guests that have the misfortune to be anywhere near the rooms we stay in that aren’t part of our company. We can get out of control, stay up late, be rowdy…ya’ know, act like a bunch of kids not knowing any better. My girl and a few other random people and I hit all of the room parties and then ended up in our room, back on the balcony again. Front row seats to see the action.

Unfortunately the action ended up being more than we bargained for. What’d we see? Someone getting shot (prayers for the family of the man who died the next day) and a knockdown, drag out, girl fight. Before you get to asking, neither one of these situations involved anyone we knew. People we knew were hopping on the train to destinations unknown.

Fast forward to the next day. Nothing too big going on here in a day of meetings. Bad news came my way when my girl told me what I suspected. She’s leaving the company and moving to Alaska. Her husband has recently been promoted and he needs to be there versus here so off they go. My work world just got turned upside down. We travel together, we train people together, we vent to one another, and we get each other. She has the best ideas of how to keep things fresh and fun. She’s a woman of integrity and character. She’s someone I love dearly and wholeheartedly trust down to the inner core of my being. And now she is leaving. I am happy for her but would be remiss if I didn’t say it breaks my heart. Saving grace? Alaska is part of my area so our paths will cross again.

After this night’s dinner and activity, I hung with a group of guys I don’t get to spend a lot of time with and don’t know too well. I upset Sunshine (more on this on another day’s post) by going with these guys but a girl’s gotta’ get to know all of her team right? This group of guys are new to our area and I am glad I took the chance and hung with them. We laughed so hard (can you tell laughter is big in my world?) that my head hurt and at one point I almost peed my pants. Damn Corona goes right through a girl.

After 2.5 hours of sleep, I hit the executive center so my team and I could get our meeting room ready for our presentations. We were a huge success by taking what could have been a bunch of dry slides and making it into a learning session via a game of Jeopardy with some Family Feud action thrown in. Nothing like a little bit of competition to get tired, hung over men engaged right?

I drove back North with another one of my favorite boys. It’d been 8 months since we’ve been able to spend any time together so it was a great drive with him. Neither one of us had anywhere we had to go so we decided to do dinner. Not only was it food for the body but it was a food for the soul. Again, I work with the best people and honestly can say I think of these folks as a family, not just co-workers. From this dinner I can now say I have eaten in the oldest seafood restaurant in the state of Washington. Great halibut by the way. Great fish, phenomenal company. Life is good.

Nothing too exciting going on the next day. Being out of the office for three days meant lots of catch up so I worked my arse off and drug myself home around 8:30 PM and was in bed by midnight. Woo Wee look at the exciting Friday night Mo had. I’m such a party animal.

Saturday was treat day for me. I got cracked and had a philosophical conversation with my chiropractor to boot. Headed off from there to get a hour and a half massage. Boy, it felt good. I embarrassed myself by falling asleep and drooling on the floor and snoring. Ever have those moments in time when you know you are asleep and you fight to stay awake and just can’t force yourself to wake up? That was me. I got up from that massage feeling like a brand new woman. It’s amazing the healing properties a crack-a-lack and rub down session can do for me.

From there I hit the spray tan action, ran some errands and got shit on by a rat bird in my car. Yes, you read that right. Shit on. That means lots of good luck right? So, let me paint the scene for you. Here sits Mo on another gorgeous Pacific Northwest day at a traffic light, jamming to some tunes, minding her own business while making eye contact with the super hot guy next to her. Enter right. Rat bird flying pretty low but on its way somewhere. I feel something wet whoosh by. I reach up to my neck and wipe. The wipe yields nothing. I think to myself cool, the rat bird didn’t poop on me. Light changes and I head on down the road to continue my errands.

I do a little bit of shopping at the mall and when I am getting back in my car I notice on the inside of my car the rat bird poop. It’s on my headrest, the side of the seat, and inside the window frame. It’s all brown and white and crusty. The damn bird did shit on me. Nice. Thankfully I carry armor all, a towel, and anti bacterial wipes in my car. But I’ve been walking around for hours with rat bird shit on me. I better get some good luck out of this. You hear me universe? Good luck. Send it my way.

Saturday night I did pretty much nothing but hang with my kitties and thought out scrapbook pages I need and want to do. It was nice to be home, to be quiet and just co chill with myself. This week’s going to be crazy so a quiet night at home was just what the doctor would be ordering.

I’m off to enjoy the day. The sun is shining, I’ve got new cd’s to jam on, and some creating to get to later on. I see a walk along the pier in my very near future.

Peace and Love to All, especially if you made it all the way to the end of this.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Do Males Feel This Too?

I know this is most likely related to PMS activity but as I was putting stuff away, packing, and just being in general I realized I feel pretty dang uncomfortable in my body right now. I wonder, do men feel the same from time to time? Do their minds become consumed with irrational food cravings? Do they wonder if they look fat or look styling, which would be our version of cute and stylish? Do they fret over their hair? I'm not talking about the metrosexual guy. We know they do but the average every day joe. Do these thoughts enter their realm of reality, hit them at their core?

You know I think this will be a great topic of conversation with three of my favorite guys on our little road trip down south tomorrow.

At least I have cute toes and smell good, or some I am told on a daily basis and every time I dare to wear open toe shoes to the office. Let me rock that while I continue to feel uncomfortable.

How'd I Get Old This Fast?

I woke up this morning and the first thought I had was in about a month, I will officially have been out of high school for 15 years. 15 years! This means I will also have been employed with the same company for 15 years. 15 years!

I started as a summer intern 3 days after graduation, worked part time while I was in college, and stayed with the same company when I decided to be an adult and work full time.

My car is 6 years old. It just seems like yesterday when we (Mom and I) walked onto the dealership and asked what they had in the price range I could pay cash for and then proceeded to drive it off the lot. 6 years!

It is so true to say time flies. It certainly has. I remember being a kid and thinking the days would never end, that summer lasted forever, yadda yadda. Now I can't seem to figure out how the days go by so fast, how summer is over in a blink of an eye.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Open Letter

I'd had enough when I woke up this morning. My new neighbor, who hasn't been here a month, has decided the common porch area we share would become a personal garbage space. It is a hassle to take the trash to the dumpster. We only have one dumpster in the entire apartment complex and it is way on the other side of the complex. However, this doesn't mean it is ok to leave your nasty garbage on the porch for 24+ hours.

We each have a patio. Use the patio. I'm all good with using the patio. Heck, I'd be cool with leaving the trash for a few hours on the porch. But, no, you've left it out there for a day and a half and counting. I'm not so good with that. If this was the first time you'd done it, ok. But this is the third time in less than three weeks! I don't want to look at let alone smell your garbage. Luckily, it hasn't been so hot that the flies are swarming about and the stench is rising but those temps are soon on their way.

So, I left neighbor mail on their front door at 8:00 AM this morning. The typed note said,

"To my new neighbor,

Please place your garbage on your patio versus in front of your door if you need to leave it outside for more than 24 hours.
We share this common area.
Thank you,
Your neighbor in ####"

Then I signed my signature. We haven't met yet and I thought 8:00 AM was too early to knock on the door. So, do you think I was out of line or ok with the neighbor mail?

The lease states to keep this area, among some other places/stuff, "in good order, clean, and in sanitary condition". Back where I come from, keeping your trash for more than a day and counting where they are keeping theirs, indicates non compliance to the lease.

Bottom line for me is I don't want or need to be subjected to your trash on the porch, stairwell area. I hope the message is received as it was intended, which was in respect, and a change of behavior ensues. I'd rather deal with this neighbor to neighbor than have to get management involved.

Letter received. Trash removed. Child punished for mother's reaction. Don't be dragging your child down the stairwell by one arm and saying, "Hurry up. What the hell?" and proceed to drag her, to let her fall at one of the landings because of your whatever (frustration, anger, etc.). Please treat your children with the love and care they are so deserving of.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Feel Like A Butthead

I didn't get around to calling the police station today but did find a small article in the paper for yesterday's occurrence.

I feel bad about making the assumption it was a crime being investigated after reading the article.

Turns out a man and his dog were injured when they were struck by a car. The 55 year old man was flown to Harborview Medical Center with head injuries and the dog was taken to a local animal hospital.

About 5:55 AM, the man, his wife, and dog were crossing the street in the lighted crosswalk when a 60 year old man hit them.

Many prayers for everyone involved.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Woo Wee

What a day! It wasn't too unusual for me but I'm wiped. I started out the day on the wrong foot. I was so out of it when I got home last night, I left my keys in the lock on the outside of the door all night. Not a smart move ladies and gents. I had no idea I had done this until I went to grab my keys from the hook by the door this morning and before I panicked, thought "No way did I leave them in the door." Yes way.

The office didn't open until 9:00 and I was walking out the door at 6:45 so all I could do was say a prayer that no one came by, saw the keys, made a copy, returned the keys to the lock and would break in while I was gone. I thought, "What's the worse that could happen? Steal my stuff right? I have insurance. But identify theft could be a beaotch to deal with." Thankfully, no one broke in while I was gone today. Thank you Jesus.

So, I put this behind me and headed on out the door. What's the first thing I see once I am on the road? Po-Po. Yep, the fuzz are large and in charge almost right where they were about two weeks ago. Police cars with lights - check. Detectives milling about - check. Crime scene tape - check. What the heck?

I thought I lived in a safe neighborhood. Guess not. Of course, if I were like most of the normal folks, I wouldn't be privy to this information. By the time 7:30 AM or 8:00 AM rolls around, this scene would most likely be cleared. So, I am thankful I am seeing what I am seeing but it's very unsettling to say the least.

First up on my list tomorrow? Call the public affairs department of the police department. Hopefully, they will share with me what's going on. If not, a visit to the police station is in my future. Then, if no information is shared, I'm calling the local newspaper and talking to the guy who writes the crime beat column. If still no answer, I'm hitting up a police department town hall meeting. This girl wants to know what the heck is going on in her neighborhood. This girl deserves to know. This girl needs to know. Wish me luck.

I arrive on time to pick someone up for our little road trip down south today. I swear to you I have been on this stretch of I-5 more in the last three weeks than I have in the last three months. It's all good. It's what I do and it's how I do it so quit my fussin and just get to it is what I kept telling myself. Now, if it would become my reality, it'd really be all good.

I know what my problem is. Lack of sleep. Lack of downtime. Lack of feeling relaxed and rested. Heck, I don't even get left alone after 5:30 or on the weekends right now. It's something I am obviously manifesting myself otherwise why would it be happening? I know I need a vacation. Hell, at this point I may even need meds. I'm irritable. I'm snapping at people. I'm wearing the stress on my sleeve. It's never good when your boss calls you out on it. I am supposed to be the calm, rational, happy, people pacifying one of the bunch and I'm for sure not right now. He understands but again, it's never a good thing when he sees it and is compelled to comment. Thankfully, we have a long weekend coming up.

Easter is about hope, renewal, faith, god's love, power, and grace. I'm going to sit back and relish in this over the long weekend. No cell phone. I'm turning the blasted thing off. I'm leaving an extended message saying I am observing the holiday. Let someone else be the on call person. I need this time like nobody's business. I knew it was going to be hectic but I am definitely at the limit. It takes a lot for me to get there and I'm there.

I mean come on...I left the keys in the door overnight for goodness sakes. BTW, the locks have been changed as of 6:30 tonight. Now let's hope if someone did make copies, they didn't take a copy of the car key. Of course, a 6 year old SUV that isn't in production anymore isn't that desirable is it? Leave my little friend alone or I just might break down and cry in a corner.

The bright side of the day? Being alive. Being able to feel the stress means I am healthy, I have a job, I can feel, I can see, talk, move, smell, hear, etc. Oh, and small wonders, I busted out a few Easter cards tonight to clear my mind and feed my soul. They are definitely not my best work but at least I got to play with ink, paper, glue, etc. Hopefully they will arrive in time.

Here's my parting thought for the day. It's from this evening's random card choice from The Four Agreements 48 card deck: "You are never responsible for the actions of others. But you are responsible for you. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. You may hurt for awhile but your heart will eventually heal." WOW, how cool is that little tidbit? Way cool.

Monday, April 10, 2006


Taking a moment or two to vent. Went to file my taxes today. Nothing like waiting until the last minute huh? Anyway, everything is all well and good until it comes time for me to sign the final return. The gentleman who filed my return has the gall to make a comment about my signature.

I'm ok with a comment about my signature but when you, who has met me a mere 30 minutes beforehand, precedes to tell me, "we need to work on this signature", I am left with the response of "excuse me?" Yes ladies and gentlemen, those who know me in real life know what my signature looks like, you know I sign it at least 20 times a day. There is a reason it's only my first initial combined with my last name. It's readable and I do hear it is unique. Never, ever, have I had someone tell me I need to work on my signature. WTF?

So, I did say excuse me. He was shocked that I said this and then preceded to backtrack and said, "Well it's a series of connected letters and swirly. It's difficult." Ok, whatever. I left this alone because seriously what was the point even discussing it with this guy. The Four Agreements by Don Miquel Ruiz (love the wisdom in this book, in his teachings) teaches us to not take anything personally. This guy is entitled to his own opinion. I don't have to buy into his opinion but I will be honest and say it did sting for a minute.

Moving on...I have to go back to the office. God love these last minute HR requests. I thought it would be an early day for me. For the love of God, what was I thinking? I should have known better.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

By the Numbers

Ahh, it is sooooo good to be home again. I was only gone for two days but these two days, because it was a road trip in the truest sense of the phrase, made it seem like I was gone for more than just two days. I accomplished what I needed to accomplish in the visited locations. I feel good about that but I have to say, as I click my heels together, there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

So, what's a girl do to amuse herself when she drives all alone up and down the interstate? Plays the numbers game.

Miles driven: 994

Number of state lines crossed: 2 states crossed twice

Out of state license plates spotted: 4 in WA, 11 in OR

Out of country license plates spotted: 3 total; all from Canada

Road side memorials: 6

Logging trucks passed: 8

Church buses/vans passed: 9

RV's, Fifth wheels, campers passed: 13

Number of times flashed or mooned by people in RV's: 2

18 Wheelers passed: 27

Number of times truck driver honked horn when given "the sign": 5

Number of times I gassed up: 4

Number of granola/Luna bars munched on: 3

Number of Bambi's meeting their maker: 5

Number of unidentified road kill spotted: 7

Number of times a small prayer was said thanking God for keeping me safe: countless

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Mystic Experience

Goodness gracious! Who would have thought the Mystic Tan experience would be what it is all cracked up to be?

Let me give a little bit of background before I share with you one of the most shocking experiences I have had in a loooong time.

I realized Saturday, post shower, my skin was getting pretty darn close to matching the fluffy white towel I was using to dry off. I’m not talking ecru, off white, cream. I’m talking white.

Yes, I live in a suburb of a city known for rain. Yes, we are finally starting to emerge from the dark depths of fall and winter. Yes, it’s perfectly normal to be pale. But to match a big, white fluffy towel pale? That’s just not right or normal for me.

I decide it’s time to check out the spray tan. When I lived down South, I was tan. Pretty much all year round I had color. I’ve done damage to my skin and decided thousands of people can’t be wrong by going the spray tan route. I’ve done the self tanner application and will fully admit I am too busy or lazy (take your pick) to spend the time applying the self tanner myself. I’ll pay to stand in front of a machine and get lacquered with a fine mist that promises to give me a nice color.

So, this morning, before I hit the office, I took the plunge and went for my very first Mystic Tan session. Holy Hell. It scared the bejeezus out of me. The girl at the salon explained the right way to stand, to use the barrier cream so my nails and heels wouldn’t turn a funky color, how to dry off (no wiping folks, simply pat. You don’t want to streak do you?), to hold my breath (no need to worry; you only have to hold your breath for about 45 seconds), and to expect to be startled once the machine started.

Really? Startled? You don’t say. There was no startling people. I fully admit it. I was skeered. I was totally caught off guard when the thing fired up and started working its Mystic Tan magic. There’s nothing quite like getting hit with some serious mist in a mini wind tunnel atmosphere while holding your breath and trying to maintain a pseudo Karate Kid pose. No dignity. No shame. I was skeered.

She warned me and said the next time I come in it will be better. I certainly hope so. At least I will know what to expect but I wonder, will that make it even worse? Will I be expecting it and psyche myself out? Let’s hope not because after 1 session, I have to proclaim loudly that I am a believer in the Mystic Tan. You read it here first girls and boys. I am a spray tan convert. I will have color and in a healthy way. Ok, so it’s fake color but its color a‘right. No more white fluffy towel skin for me.

Before I made it home, which is about a five minute drive at most, I had changed to a golden color. A natural light golden color. By this afternoon I was a darkened, Hawaiian Tropic, just spent a few days laying on the beach, golden color. As the day progressed, I continued to get a deeper, richer color. Leave house a ghost, arrive 10 hours later a tan woman.

Yea, want to see a cool party trick at the office? Check in on Mo every few hours to see what color she is now. I kid you not. I had a few people do this too. Not only does it provide a nice color, the Mystic Tan can provide hours of entertainment. When I walked into the office I was met with “Did you go tanning?” from about 3 people. Why yes I did. As the day progressed it was more to the effect of “Where’d you go? If that can happen to you in a few hours after 45 seconds of mist, sign me up!” Do you think I can get reimbursement checks from Mystic Tan for all the converts that will come from this one office?

The color is supposed to last for about five to seven days. We shall see. Either way, I am a believer and see more of this action in my future. Skeeered or not, I'm gonna' get sprayed.

*************************************************************************************Who loves them some Big Lots? I don’t make consistent visits to the store but today, after lunch, I asked if we could stop by as I needed to see if they had a decorative box for the women’s restroom. Will the men ever learn to just go with the request to stop at a store and not question the need for a box?

I ended up having to tell them a few of the other ladies in the office have decided to make the work bathroom their own personal bathroom and it was looking mighty tacky. I am all for keeping some things in there you need on a regular basis if your desk isn’t an option but can you at least put it under the sink or in a nice box so we don’t have to all see your hairspray, your toothbrush, your toothpaste, your tampons (concealing them in a plastic grocery bag doesn’t hide them y’all), your roll of toilet paper (WTF?)…your stuff doesn’t need to be visible for all to see. We have many visitors coming through and it just doesn’t look right to me. NOTE: When we got back to the office, we went on a field trip to the bathroom and then they got it.

Anyway, we found no box but I did find a great leather chair and ottoman for under $450.00. Score!!! I’ve had my eye on the lookout for a set for about a year but wasn’t willing to drop the big bucks on one. Today, we stumbled across one and I snatched the last set they had in back stock up.

After enlisting the aid of a few good men, I’ll be bringing it home tomorrow. Now, let’s just hope it fits. If not, there might be some rearranging going on. I can’t wait to curl up in it and chill. I see hours reading in the comfy leather chair in my future. The papasan hasn’t been cutting it for me lately so this should be a little slice of heaven in my space.

So, shout outs for a few of my good men go to
Skittles: Thank you for agreeing to pick up the chair and ottoman in your truck

Nickell and Stalcup: Thanks for lending your brawn and manly ability to build. There’s no way this girl can bring a chair and ottoman up 26 steps by herself or even begin to trust her ability to put legs in the right way.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


When I think of sunshine, some of the thoughts that come to mind are
- happy thoughts
- warm thoughts
- safe thoughts
- being alive thoughts
- thoughts of splendor
- thoughts of cheer
- thoughts of a bright star that is the basis for our solar system that sustains life on Earth

When I think of sunshine, I think of him.

He makes me laugh. He makes me feel safe, protected, loved. He challenges me. He’s my accountability partner. He calls me out and keeps it real when I need to be checked. He listens. He cherishes. He can tell by the sound of my voice how my day is going and inherently knows what I need to process many times before I do. He gets me. He allows me to be me. He takes the good, the bad, the ugly, the endless cat stories, oft-repeated vents, into the wee hours of the morning conversations and somehow keeps coming back time and time again. He has this look that can drive me insane with a longing I forgot was possible to feel.

We’re the best of friends and only, if only, circumstances were different, he’d be my lover, my other half.

What’s stopping us from pursuing this? Fear partly. But mostly, it’s a little thing called career. We can’t cross the line without the risk of long lasting ramifications, up to and including separation of employment.

We can deal with the miles that separate us but neither of us is in the position to jeopardize the bread and butter, what we’ve worked tirelessly to achieve at this point in time. I’m not his boss and he’s not mine but there are a few dotted lines that connect us.

We know we shouldn’t let work be the root cause of not pursuing something that could be wonderful but this simply is a line neither one of us is willing to cross. Some of our conversations put me at risk and then I have to back away, remember the role I play, the position I am in, and fight to keep the two separate. I’m sure he feels the same way from time to time too but I have more to detach from than he.

So, for now, we settle for what we are willing to offer to one another. We’ll continue to flirt shamelessly. When we’re in the same city, we’ll continue to give each other that look of which the behind the eyes meaning is known hopefully only to us. We’ll continue to steal moments in time while keeping a small distance between us, apprehensive to be alone for fear of where it could lead. We’ll continue to act as if the hugs, the graze of a few fingertips, the act of standing a little bit closer than normal, or an inhale of each other's personal scent doesn’t hold a longing of which quite possibly could set our worlds on fire if given the chance.

Only, if only, circumstances were different…

Monday, April 03, 2006


I had one of those days where the patience was wearing thin. Let's start off with what was wrong because I'd really like to end my evening on a positive note.

Hey rude neighbor dude! Tell your friend, co-worker, ride....whatever the heck is in that blue car not to honk at the god forsaken hour of 4:00 AM. Be sensitive to your neighbors sleeping for the love of god. If you know you are going to be picked up that early, have the freaking decency to wait outside please. Most of the time I sleep through this but I know you get picked up around this time Monday - Friday and your freak of a ride honks - every freaking day at 4:00 AM.

Love kitty will you please let your mama sleep past 5:00 AM on a regular basis? The kitty cat crack isn't going anywhere I promise. It's going to be there at 5:00 AM, it's going to be there at 5:30 AM, it's going to be there. Trust me. I make sure we have an endless supply on hand. Your needs will be met. If you continue to wake me up at the butt crack of dawn, I will proceed to thrust the pill down your throat and deny you of the pleasure you seek so much. Try me sister. Just try me.

Oh toilet s hook, why did you choose this morning of all mornings to fall off and break? What a great way to continue the rough start to the day. Sticking my hand in the toilet (rubber gloved at least) in a cold water tank is no fun, no matter what time of the day it is.

People if you see me running around like a chicken with my head cut off and have the audacity to say, "Wow, you're really in a hurry today!", don't expect me to play nice and find out how your weekend was. You can obviously see I am busy and am on a mission. Show a little bit of love and respect ok? I'm touched you want to share with me and see how my weekend was but when I say I have two conflicting deadlines today, can you take a wee bit of a hint? Oh, and don't call me on my cell when you see my door is shut and I am obviously letting your knocks and calls go unnoticed. Nothing is that important that it can't wait until later in the day. Please don't stand outside my space and say, "I know you're in there. I can hear you typing, I see your car in the parking lot, I can smell you." I'm trying to get some work done. Drop me an email, leave a voice mail, send me a text message...anything but hunt me down to say hi when you see me on a deadline.

Oh scanner. Why today of all days did you decide to die? Just what I wanted. Deadline and dead scanner. Are you for real? Is the universe against me or what?

Rain oh rain...won't you go away and come back some other day? It's bad enough it's Monday, we lost a hour of sleep, and my day has been hectic. Now you go and add rain to the mix. Not just a little bit of rain. A whole lotta rain. Texas type rain. Rain.

Now, onward to what was good.

Banana-pineapple smoothie for breakfast. A pre-made spinach salad for lunch and a slamming fruit salad for an afternoon snack. Kitties first thing in the morning and all through the day. People in my life who want to take a few minutes to check in, to share, who enjoy my company enough to want to share. A broken down scanner forcing me to slow down as well as giving me the chance to break out of the office for a few hours and work from home. Meeting the deadlines. The rain for a breathtaking rainbow. A peaceful night.

Life really is good.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Snap, Crackle, Pop

I am officially a rice crispy treat. I woke up this morning, minus one hour of sleep (thank you Daylight Savings), to some snapping, some cracking, some popping. It so totally sucks getting old and being mean to my body doesn’t help either.

Post morning pee, I did about 30 minutes of stretching and yoga, looked outside and decided it was a perfect morning for a hike. Many others had the same idea as the trail near my place was packed. Normally, I see about five other people. Not today. There must have been about 15 of us hiking, sweating, and kicking that trail’s ass. It’s a tough 2 miles. No matter how many times I do it, I tend to forget how tough the inclines and declines can be. Of course, being out of shape doesn’t help. But I hung in there, puffed a little, sweat a lot, and finished it like the champ I am. LOL.

From there, I hit the grocery store. Ya’ know, there is something wrong when you pick up fresh fruit, veggies, yogurt, sandwich meat, soy milk, juice, and some cheese and the bill is over $65.00. It’s no wonder more and more people are eating the processed, frozen crap. It’s cheaper, there are coupons, and of course, you don’t have to prepare it. Simply throw it in the microwave or oven and viola, food prep done.

From the grocery store, I settled in to fix a mega spinach salad and fruit salad I can munch on for the next 3 days. Small blessings. I am home for the next three days! I can fix yogurt smoothies in the morning, I can eat fresh veggies and fruits throughout the day, and I can fire up the grill in the evenings providing I get home from the office and gym at a decent time. Oh, wait. We get an extra hour of daylight now don’t we? Yesssssss, grilled halibut and chicken are in this gal’s future.

Am I the only one who enjoys cutting up onions, peppers, mushrooms, broccoli, squash, zucchini, ‘maters, cilantro, strawberries, apples, and grapes? There is something comforting, for me at least, to have the tunes playing, knife in hand, chopping away. Plus, it makes it so much easier to pre-prepare the salads on a Sunday afternoon than to attempt to do one each day.

Rest of the day, I need to do laundry, light clean, and get my butt in bed at a decent time. I have an extremely busy next couple of days ahead of me. Staying up until the wee hours won’t do me any good so I best get to it huh?