Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Curious Case of the Package in the Night-Time

Hi, all of Mo’s friends and family. *waves* Mo asked me to guest blog today while she’s OTRA. Man, do you know the PRESSURE of being asked to post on someone else’s blog?! I mean sure, I post all the time on my own, but this is a different animal all together. I tend to ramble as you’ll see, which is ok on my own blog because anyone who reads me knows that about me, but Mo is more succinct and I don’t want to bore y’all to tears. I also like to make up blog titles based on books or sappy 80’s music. Really, I spared y’all the first title that came to mind – be glad. And at least I didn’t have to come up with a topic on my own; this one just fell right into my lap.

Mo has talked once or twice about her crazy neighbor lady, but for the most part, no one else had ever witnessed this behavior or anything out of the ordinary from her. Until Friday, that is. I was hanging out with Mo in her apartment, shooting the breeze, when all the sudden we start hearing this shouting coming from the balcony next door. At first it just sounded like someone yelling to a friend down in the parking lot…then comes the barking. And this lady doesn’t have a dog. Apparently she thinks someone with dogs is out to GET her… oh, how do I know that? Later in the evening we happened to run across some of our burblet’s finest policing the local mall, so Mo stopped to ask their advice about the neighbor. “Oh, you mean the one on the corner of XXX and XXX?” they replied.

Ok, I don’t know about you, but when the police already know who you’re talking about before you give them any information? That’s a scary thing. See, they’ve been called out there several times in the last few days by the lady herself, because she thinks someone with dogs is setting them on her when she tries to leave her apartment. Mo was able to verify that there are no such dogs in the complex, and figure out from something that was mentioned about medications that the neighbor lady is actually schizophrenic.

So hearing a woman barking on her balcony? It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and it just ramped up from there. Forgive me if I don’t get the timeline exactly right, but over the next couple of days there was a cinder block that she drug up three flights of stairs at 5:30 in the morning, AFTER putting a piece of tape over Mo’s peep hole so she couldn’t see what was going on. There was operatic singing, singing and loud music at 3:00 in the morning, little “gifts” being left on the center of Mo’s doormat, and then Sunday night Mo came home to find this waiting for her:

In case you can't read the writing it says "Thank you for being a friend. Love, Dr. Prince"

It was halfway between her door and the lady’s door, so she just left it alone that night. The next morning it was still there, but it had been shoved closer to Mo’s door and more text had been added:
“PS, I’m in room 8-10”.

So finally around mid afternoon on Monday, Mo called in THE BIG GUNS.
I love the unintentional Charlies Angels-ass-kicking- look of this picture.

When I started writing this I couldn’t remember if it was ok to mention Kyla by her name here, so I was going to refer to her as THE BIG GUNS. Then I checked Mo’s blog this morning and saw Kyla’s name, but this tickled me so much I’m sticking to it because girlfriend swept into Mo’s apartment, dressed to kill and calm as a surgeon. “I’ll need gloves.” she stated. I was impressed. I was too much of a weenie to open that thing, but THE BIG GUNS picked it right up and swept it into the kitchen, noticing along the way what Mo and I hadn't; it was LEAKING. And then we realized it was double bagged. What on earth was in that thing that she had to double bag it?! What the hell?!

So THE BIG GUNS got right down to business, snapped on her gloves, and started cutting into the bag. Once through the two layers we saw a cherry cordial box, but it was all wet and grody looking.

We looked at each other and wondered what the hell she could have done to cherry cordials to make the box so sodden. Then THE BIG GUNS prodded up the lid and we saw what was inside.

*WARNING - DISGUSTING PICTURE COMING* Proceed at your own risk...

It was rotten food. I have a strong gag reflex, so I had to look away, but THE BIG GUNS says it was maggoty. It certainly had been sitting out a lot longer than it had been on Mo’s porch. And the stench. Uck.

So I ask you… malicious intent? The working of a confused, schizophrenic mind off her meds? I don’t know. What do you think?

Oh, and neighbor lady will be relocated soon, so Mo won't have to live next to her for much longer. I think Mo won't know what to do with all the peace and quiet. ;)



Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

Holy f###!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw that bag, and I am thinking "NONONO that is somebody's HEAD! OR HAND!!!!!!!!!" then I saw it was smaller and I thought "OH NO, it is full of SH##!!!" then I saw the chocolates and briefly wondered "a real gift????" and then I heard soggy and I was "DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!!!"


meno said...

That's creepy.

Although i think the woman is just disturbed. It's good to hear she'll be gone soon.

fiwa said...

Gary, those were my exact thoughts!

Brad said...

We had planned to meet at Mo's on Saturday.



Kyla, can I get the address for the shop?

Kathy said...

EEEWWWWW!! Stuff like this freaks me out!! Who is Kyla and why is she 'the big guns?' I'm relieved things turned out okay and that CL will be gone soon.

Dez said...

OH, you made me LAUGH SO HARD!!! Yes, I was scared for both of you, but you write a good story! You did a fantastic job! I'm super glad that help is on the way! HI HO SILVER!!!!

tt said...

Good Lawdy!! this sounds like the beginnings of a very strange horror flick....I'd be waiting for some eyeball to start looking at me or something...gross!!!
'Big Guns' is brave!! bravo to her young and curious heart. lol

I think you did Mo proud with your certainly baited me at your place.... well done.

Jay said...

Ewwwwwww ... that is sooo nasty. What a freak. I mean, I guess we're supposed to be all sympathetic and that stuff, but seriously. The public shouldn't be subjected to this crazy lady.

CrystalChick said...

First... Fiwa, awesome job on the guest blog writings. Dang girl, you really came through!!!

It's a good thing that lady is going to be moved very soon. Can you imagine what the inside of her apartment looks like?

Well, hopefully she'll be out of there soon and somewhere getting the help she obviously needs.

fiwa said...

Brad, you wimp! Come on - just think what a lively time it could be on saturday! ;)

Kathy, Kyla is Mo's friend. I had just met her for the first time that day. I called her THE BIG GUNS because she was the only one of us brave enough to open the dang thing - and she came over looking like one of Charlie's Angels, ready to kick some a$$!

Dez, we were torn between laughing and shaking. The last photo is a little blurry cuz Mo's hands weren't too steady.

TT, I know! I was half expecting a body part or perhaps some poo. So I guess in the long run this was better?!

Jay, ya - we were talking about how we really felt sorry for her, but then again, Mo is paying good money to live there.

Mary, I thought the same thing about the inside of her place!

Reb said...

Wow, that woman is seriously disturbed! I think I would have just thrown it directly into the bin, not even bothered to open it.

Fiwa, good job guest posting.

Mo, I hope she is gone soon.

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Oh, that is just so sad. I hate to think what voices are going on in that woman's head.

Gin said...

The body part or the poo was probably under the vomit (or whatever that was). But I'll bet you didn't dig around in it...did you? OMG, I think I'm making myself sick. I'm so glad I haven't had corn or oatmeal for a while.

That poor woman needs help.

You write a great story Fiwa!

Sis said...

ROFL! Not that it's funny - but what else can you do?

You tell a fantastic story, Fiwa!

Michael Knight Rambo said...

That's just freaky!!!
That poor lady seriously needs some help (and pills).

Also, Mo should snap photos for the food network (I'm hungry just looking at that shot).
And Dr. Prince should probably get his own show too.

Cheryl said...

Mo didn't relay exactly how warped her neighbor is. I guess things got ramped up with the doggie bit and the packages. Guest did a great job. And you women were brave. I think I would have called the police to open that package.

I hope neighbor is going some place where she can get help. And Mo can breath a little easier.

The Birdwatcher said...

No carrots though? Actually it looks like something we used to get to eat at boarding school.

kimmyk said...

oh my god.

that's just disgusting. too disgusting for words. and it leaked.
maggot juice.


gah. i'm gaggin' here. and i feel all itchy.

Summer said...

Where is CL going? Is she going willingly?

Ace C said...

That's what you get.