Mentally Challenging

Man, what a whirlwind the last 24 hours has been mentally. Before I begin, I'd like to take a moment to express appreciation for the internet. Can you imagine what life would be like without it? I know we spent years without it but I honestly couldn't imagine my life today without this glorious thing called the internet.

So, why have the last 24 hours been mentally challenging beside the fact that I am PMS'ing? Which, by the way, I had a big ole piece of meat and chocolate cake at my business dinner tonight. I even splurged and had some garlic mashed taters. I was good, really I was. I only ate about 3 ounces of cow, a few spoonfuls of taters, and shared the massive chocolate cake with a co-worker (Jeremey, you came through for a girl!). You'd swear by looking at the cake when we were done that we didn't really touch it. Why are restaurant servings so big these days anyway?

Ok, I digress. Mentally it's been a rough 24 hours because I've been dealing with the news of finding out my ex is getting married in June. (Yes, A...you read that right...he's getting married in June.) I knew the day would come at some point. I didn't think I'd find out about it let alone really care about it considering I was the one who asked for the divorce in the first place. But, it rubbed me the wrong way. I woke up this morning knowing why it pissed me off so that's a blessing in itself.

I'm glad I played detective last night on the internet and found what I did as it's allowing me to process the remnants of what I needed to process, take action on getting rid of the last of his stuff still in my possession, to make sure he's aware I will be able to find him if needed, and the money he owes (as outlined in the divorce decree) I will not let go of without a fight if need be.

Let's break this down shall we?

Divorced not yet a year and he'll be remarried. Best of luck to you and your lovely bride. Really, I mean it. I do. From the conversation I had with him last April and talking with him this morning, she's the love of his life and finally, he seems to be taking some actions toward being a responsible adult regarding financial matters.

Why was I mad? Because it feels like he's made movement in his life and I'm pretty much where I was when I asked for the divorce. I know I am the one who is responsible for the choices that have led my life to be where it is right now and since he left. Deep down I know these choices have been the right ones for me but seeing this news still pissed me off.

It's been a tough year a half for me. I'm allowing myself the time to heal and get stuff in order. I'm allowing myself selfish time and trying to be healthy in the decisions I make. In the last year and a half, I've experienced Mom being diagnosed with cancer and passing within two weeks of the diagnosis. This unequivocally rocked me to the core. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. Then, I get divorced, get a new boss, get a new right hand coworker, get another new boss, get another new right hand coworker (promotions really are a beautiful thing), and pick up the slack from these coworkers getting promoted. Doesn't sound like a lot but it really is enough to have made the last year and a half challenging for me.

All that being said, I have made movement but when you compare it to him getting married, it doesn't seem like it. I know, I know. Stop comparing myself to him or anyone else for that matter. I heard you this morning inner voice. I get it. I just needed some time to process the news and get pissed for a little bit.

After consulting my attorney this morning, I called him regarding where to send his overseas souvenirs. I didn't feel right throwing away or donating these things he left behind when he moved out. He may get back to these locations someday but the memories he has attached to these items he wouldn't be able to replace. This weekend I will finally be rid of the rest of his stuff. I was going to send it to his mom and step dad once we hit the one year mark anyway so this way, I'm ahead of the game right?

The other part of the conversation, which lasted all of three minutes after almost a year of having no contact, centered around the creditors calling for him and him starting to pay the money he owes me. Stay tuned as I'm giving him until after the wedding before the legal system gets involved in this situation. I wished him congratulations and asked if his bride-to-be knows that he owes me money as I didn't want this to turn into a huge ordeal down the line. He assures me that yes, she knows. If she doesn't she'll know soon enough. I simply don't want drama regarding this situation and pray it will be resolved without the courts or having to deal too much with them in the future.

So, there you go folks. This what I have been dealing with in the last 24 hours on the personal front. Work wise, thankfully, it's been quiet. I do have a punkass I'm going to have to talk to before the week is up but today was not the day for it. I would have gone off of the man in a not so good way. Lucky for me I had the foresight to know this.

Special shout outs and much love to the following for their ideas and support in the last 24 hours:

Hasse: If it hadn't been for you, I never would have found the information. Thank you. It was no coincidence we went to lunch yesterday and we had the conversation we did. I truly believe God orchestrated this whole situation and you helped put the pieces together. I love you man.

TS aka Beaotch: Thank you for your support while I surfed the internet and caught up with you after these many months without contact. I love that even though what seems like a lifetime went by since we last talked, we're able to pick up where we left off. You're truly a best friend and even more than that, a sister by choice. I love you.

J-Lo: Your mad technological skills continue to amaze me. Who knew we could do what we did this afternoon? Are we even by my sharing my Ice, Ice Baby mp3 file? :)

Tra: Thank you for the ghetto gang support. Let's hope we don't have to take the Hilltop, pissed off women route a'right?

Sunshine: Thank you for knowing, just by the sound of my voice, something wasn't quite right in my world and knowing it had something to do with him. I love you.

God : For all you do...