Monday, August 27, 2007

Make It to Accessories

There we are. Driving from Bellevue to Renton and I announce, "I feel like I have to fart."

T immediately rolls down the window.

Ace proceeds to smirk and let out a small laugh.

For the record, I did pass some gas in the car, just not at that exact moment.

I was good. I announced it. I'm polite like that.

I'm not sure if it was the chocolate cake from the night before, the cupcake at the mall, or the nitrates and other crap from Ikea but mid shopping I had one of those moments.

You know what I am talking about right?

One of those moments where you have an overwhelming need to go.

So there we are. Strolling through the mammoth store. Ace mentions he needs to use the bathroom. I say I can hold it. Lets just make it to accessories. He decides against it and leaves us. Less than a minute later I realize I can't hold it.

I need to go now.

He just needed to pee. I needed to do more.

Frantically T and I look around for a sign indicating where the closest bathroom is. She spots a "you are here sign" and the map indicates the bathroom nearest to our location is past the check out.

This location is not so close but it was the best we could find at the time. I take off in a power walk. Using the basket to force my way through. Not caring if the other shoppers think I am insane and rude. I'm weaving in and out. I'm getting up on their butts. I have a destination to get to. All the while I am looking over my shoulder and telling T to keep up.

Y'all I was in a mad dash to get to the restroom before I dropped a deuce in my pants. The kids needed to be dropped off at the pool, not in my jeans.

We arrive at the bathroom in the nick of time. Crisis averted.

Allow me to say from now on I think I will stick to the healthy eating. I feel better when I do so and feeling the need to clench your butt cheeks together so your ass doesn't explode at the most inopportune time is a situation I would like to avoid going forward.

Post doing my business and feeling that much lighter, we caught back up with Ace. Turns out there was a bathroom right around the corner after all.

Didn't I just say a few weeks ago I would be going when I needed to instead of holding it in?


Ace C said...

I'm still laughing...

wendy said...

definitely TMI, but made for a good laugh this morning. =)

kimmyk said...

oh dear. i bet it was the hotdogs. pass on those next time.

Mo said...

Me too. Me too.

Glad I bring a smile to your day too.

I'm thinking it was the cupcake.

kimmyk said...

CUPCAKE? With all it's sugary goodness you are blaming the cupcake and taking the side of the hot dog even though we all know [or don't know really] what exactly is in the hot dog. Sugary goodness wins out in my book.

Mo said...

Ha! I think the hot dogs pushed the cupcake that way.

You are right though. We don't ever really know what is in a processed dog do we?